Sunday, July 31, 2005

note to self...

why bother even having a blog if your not going to use it. who knows, someone new might stumble upon it and get a laugh or a thought that make it worthwhile. as for return visitors.....yea, sure.....maybe by accident or sheer boredom.

anyways, for anyone who's read this far -

it's hot. really fucking hot. stinging salty sweat drippin' in your eye while your soggy shirt sticks to you kinda hot. the kind of weather where any type of metal outside is capable of seering your flesh, and you don't dare step on pavement barefoot. triple digits justabout everyday lately. kinda takes all the fun out of going anywhere without a/c.

would still like take the boat to the lake tomorrow tho', but the last four outings (also the first four) there's been some kinda "minor" mechanical problem (sure, minor if yer a nuclear engineer), leading to hissyfits each time.

my poor wife doesn't stand a chance of pacifying me during times like that. i prefer to keep the disappointment and frustration pretty much bottled up inside (until it starts seeping out in nasty little snippets). using my anger as an excuse to whine and mope..... i allow yet another day to be shot to hell.

so in conclusion, within moments of hitting the water tomorrow - my demeanor will be set in stone. god help us. i'll try to blog the aftermath....

BTW - i HATE mf'ers deleted my account & pics cuz i didn't log in over the past 30 days. made all my blog pics disappear. guess it serves me right for not blogging more often.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005


finally got this damn computer working again. it was all for you.

just wanted to tell you how much i truly love and need you, and that i hope i can make your dreams come true .... today, and for the rest of our lives together :)

Saturday, May 28, 2005

return to blogland i've been neglecting this blog thing for a few weeks now. very sorry for any of you that actually took the time to check my eclectic posts lately. you should have given up by now, but welcome back anyways.

life's been swell the past month, i think. meaning... i've come to realize that i don't know any better than to believe that this is as good as it gets, and i should just quit whining and be grateful already. i need to be more like our pups, and just keep waggin'.....just keep waggin.....

my saint of a wife (dashababy) has been especially good to me recently - in too many ways to describe or explain. of course, this causes me to feel guilty and unworthy. damn.....just when i was starting to come out of my seasonal affective disorder too ! (3-4 months a year of self-imposed grumpiness, otherwise i'm happier than i deserve to be)

on a similar seasonal note.....somehow, our local weather has decided to skip spring altogether. going straight from frequent rain and wind to a lovely 95 degree oven the past couple weeks. i feel so ripped off. spring in redding is typically awesome. now we got 6 months of 100+ temps to contend with. sorry, but that means i hafta go water the lawns and garden again (it's only 2:00 am or so and the foliage is thirsty already). ok, so i'm exaggerating a lil' bit, but damn....i can't take the heat like i used to. guess that'll be the focus of my venting for awhile. it's nice to have something to bitch about.

i must go now, because i just heard the haagen-daas in the freezer calling for me!

Saturday, April 23, 2005

seeking tranquility

this picture's worth a thousand words to me. my first impression was that of depression, solitude, and a dark, bleak existence. upon further review, it tells me a story of contemplation and soul-searching. but my final thought of it was one of hope, serenity and acceptance. it also tells me there is a light above even in the bleakest of times (this all pretty much describes the last month for me).

now i'm thinking, so why the #&@! do i always tend to look at the negative side of everything first ?! i really gotta stop doing that....

Monday, April 04, 2005

ode to my beloved...

oh wifey, dear wifey
the time again is here,

when balls & bats
& scores and stats,

make me disappear.....

the only way you'll find me
is by seeking out the source,

of my cheering or my whining
while i watch a game, of course.

(see you in 6 months or so...xoxoxo)

Thursday, March 31, 2005


my "inspirations"

wow. just finished reading my sister-in-law kristine's blog (randomandodd). her posts always seem to punch me right in the gut (in a good way, like a wake-up call). love, humor, depression, frustration & joy all rolled up into a big ball......that makes me open my eyes to my own life (that i've become so good at hiding from).

her ability to just speak her mind, shooting from the hip - leaves my jealous and frustrated, wishing i could express my thoughts and feelings so well. damn you kris, but i love you for it.

the life-lesson i got from her blog today.....was a steamroller called honesty. meaning being truthful to myself, as well as others (especially my wife). the major point being - how the hell can you really begin to enjoy life as it should be - if you're always screwed up worrying about lies and deception, no matter how small or large. the stress from those negative acts can really beat someone down over time.

i've lied to my family (many "excuses" for not seeing or contacting them more often), i've deceived myself (so many times about so many things - that it has caused me to have a somewhat distorted sense of reality when it comes to the past), but most important and worst of all.....i've had a progressive inability over to be more open and completely honest to my wife.

things as simple as just expressing my feelings and letting her know what i'm truly thinking and feeling can be quite difficult sometimes for me. i've become quite a recluse over the past few years because of it. and she's stuck by me through alot of "silent" times. instead of drawing her closer into my life and spirit, i've kept a barrier (actually, quite a few) between us - mistakenly believing i was protecting myself AND her from potential sorrow or pain, as a result of my emotions or actions.
should admit i took the wrong fork in the road there.

i feel very bad about what kris has gone through with her ex. but i have to admit i mildly resented her for some of her actions. someday, i need to hug her and tell her i was completely wrong in any kind of judgement of her, and ask her forgiveness as well as offering my own. you see, her ex was/is a kind, friendly, good man in my opinion (as i like to think of myself - when i'm not being a dick). but reading her blog about the pain he caused her just knocked me fukkin flat (again, in a good way). thus, the need for me to reply on my own blog.

i owe my wife more apologies than i could ever give. my moodiness, self-isolation, lifestyle and habits have caused her much undeserved heartache and pain. i need to act on this latest inspiration..... and begin to let my marriage continue to grow. and the only way to begin is to put it all out there, in words and acts - for her, and all others to see. i'm a very lucky man to have the partner, family and friends i have. time to stop sabotaging it.

thank you kris, and i love you more than ever dashababy.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

happy easter

my sentiments exactly...

Thursday, March 24, 2005

blog envy

haven't been posting much lately. seems that after i read other's blogs.....i feel i don't have much that's worthy to say. everyone's wit, sarcasm, joy and sorrow dwarf mine in comparison. (seems like i've said this all before)

randomandodd, slowchildrenatplay, pissybritches, homedetentionlady, closetmetro, dadgonemad, and of course dashababy & fonz - to name a few.... leave me in stitches or sad.... unable to write creatively. thanx a #&%!@ lot.

i'll be gone soon enough anyways. baseball season starts in justa couple weeks. see you in november. jk

the picture is of my niece cassie. the look says it all.

Monday, March 21, 2005

the wife whisperer

with apologies to cesar....

wife out of control ? having difficulty getting her to obey your commands ?

(very, very poor choice of words there, men).

have you tried and failed with the usual methods of behavior modification,
such as flowers, chocolate, or even actually "talking" ?

well, here's a few recommended methods to get desired results:

1. Let them know who's the alpha dog - (while you're cooking and cleaning)
2. Keep them active - (a 3 hour daily "walk" at the mall should do for her)
3. Make them want to obey you - (can you say... bling bling or vacation ?)
4. Keep them on schedule - (salon/spa, masseuse/chiropractor, therapist/gyn)
5. For separation anxiety, call them sooo friggin often that they stop answering.
6. To keep them from straying, move to a very small uninhabited tropical island.
7. To prevent them from chewing (yer ass), stuff 'em with filet mignon and lobster.
8. For trouble getting along with others, get them a prescription of "nobitchatol"
9. To promote submissive behavior, have lots of children - they'll be worn out.
10. Maintain eye contact - (let them think you're having loving thoughts gazing
at them, while you're really thinking about the game)

i know, not very funny....but i hafta try & keep up with shaun, that funny bastard.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

how do they do it ?

kristine and shaun are amazing. with all the kids (adorable as they are) and their needs (especially...."i needs to eat"), jobs, dealing with ex's & all the other lovely stresses of life - how the heck do they cope - and still manage to function rationally ?

no, they don't do heavy prescription drugs (antianxiety/ alot of other people in their situations do), they're not alcoholics, they're not religious fanatics (although they probably both deserve to go to heaven) and they ain't rich (except in love). what the hell is it with you guys ?! (people like you make people like me like people like you). didja get that ?

even a curmudgeon like me has to wonder what keeps it all going. i think i know the answer. BLOGGING. it's their semi-escape from reality, where shaun bursts forth with all his pent-up humor, and kris literally puts her life "on-line" for all to see. it's the most incredible free therapy out there. the best part is, the rest of us get so see just how great or funny or even fucked up their lives are - to make us all feel a little less miserable.