ba hum blog

note to self...

2005-07-31T00:05:00.000-07:00

why bother even having a blog if your not going to use it. who knows, someone new might stumble upon it and get a laugh or a thought that make it worthwhile. as for return visitors.....yea, sure.....maybe by accident or sheer boredom.

anyways, for anyone who's read this far -

it's hot. really fucking hot. stinging salty sweat drippin' in your eye while your soggy shirt sticks to you kinda hot. the kind of weather where any type of metal outside is capable of seering your flesh, and you don't dare step on pavement barefoot. triple digits justabout everyday lately. kinda takes all the fun out of going anywhere without a/c.

would still like take the boat to the lake tomorrow tho', but the last four outings (also the first four) there's been some kinda "minor" mechanical problem (sure, minor if yer a nuclear engineer), leading to hissyfits each time.

my poor wife doesn't stand a chance of pacifying me during times like that. i prefer to keep the disappointment and frustration pretty much bottled up inside (until it starts seeping out in nasty little snippets). using my anger as an excuse to whine and mope..... i allow yet another day to be shot to hell.

so in conclusion, within moments of hitting the water tomorrow - my demeanor will be set in stone. god help us. i'll try to blog the aftermath....

BTW - i HATE ripway.com..... mf'ers deleted my account & pics cuz i didn't log in over the past 30 days. made all my blog pics disappear. guess it serves me right for not blogging more often.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY HUN !

2005-06-15T02:46:00.000-07:00

finally got this damn computer working again. it was all for you.

just wanted to tell you how much i truly love and need you, and that i hope i can make your dreams come true .... today, and for the rest of our lives together :)

return to blogland

2005-05-28T02:09:00.000-07:00

ok......so i've been neglecting this blog thing for a few weeks now. very sorry for any of you that actually took the time to check my eclectic posts lately. you should have given up by now, but welcome back anyways.

life's been swell the past month, i think. meaning... i've come to realize that i don't know any better than to believe that this is as good as it gets, and i should just quit whining and be grateful already. i need to be more like our pups, and just keep waggin'.....just keep waggin.....

my saint of a wife (dashababy) has been especially good to me recently - in too many ways to describe or explain. of course, this causes me to feel guilty and unworthy. damn.....just when i was starting to come out of my seasonal affective disorder too ! (3-4 months a year of self-imposed grumpiness, otherwise i'm happier than i deserve to be)

on a similar seasonal note.....somehow, our local weather has decided to skip spring altogether. going straight from frequent rain and wind to a lovely 95 degree oven the past couple weeks. i feel so ripped off. spring in redding is typically awesome. now we got 6 months of 100+ temps to contend with. sorry, but that means i hafta go water the lawns and garden again (it's only 2:00 am or so and the foliage is thirsty already). ok, so i'm exaggerating a lil' bit, but damn....i can't take the heat like i used to. guess that'll be the focus of my venting for awhile. it's nice to have something to bitch about.

i must go now, because i just heard the haagen-daas in the freezer calling for me!

seeking tranquility

2005-04-23T22:26:00.000-07:00

this picture's worth a thousand words to me. my first impression was that of depression, solitude, and a dark, bleak existence. upon further review, it tells me a story of contemplation and soul-searching. but my final thought of it was one of hope, serenity and acceptance. it also tells me there is a light above even in the bleakest of times (this all pretty much describes the last month for me).

now i'm thinking, so why the #&@! do i always tend to look at the negative side of everything first ?! i really gotta stop doing that....

ode to my beloved...

2005-04-04T21:55:00.000-07:00

oh wifey, dear wifey
the time again is here,

when balls & bats
& scores and stats,

make me disappear.....

the only way you'll find me
is by seeking out the source,

of my cheering or my whining
while i watch a game, of course.

(see you in 6 months or so...xoxoxo)

inspiration

2005-03-31T21:14:00.000-08:00

my "inspirations"

wow. just finished reading my sister-in-law kristine's blog (randomandodd). her posts always seem to punch me right in the gut (in a good way, like a wake-up call). love, humor, depression, frustration & joy all rolled up into a big ball......that makes me open my eyes to my own life (that i've become so good at hiding from).

her ability to just speak her mind, shooting from the hip - leaves my jealous and frustrated, wishing i could express my thoughts and feelings so well. damn you kris, but i love you for it.

the life-lesson i got from her blog today.....was a steamroller called honesty. meaning being truthful to myself, as well as others (especially my wife). the major point being - how the hell can you really begin to enjoy life as it should be - if you're always screwed up worrying about lies and deception, no matter how small or large. the stress from those negative acts can really beat someone down over time.

i've lied to my family (many "excuses" for not seeing or contacting them more often), i've deceived myself (so many times about so many things - that it has caused me to have a somewhat distorted sense of reality when it comes to the past), but most important and worst of all.....i've had a progressive inability over to be more open and completely honest to my wife.

things as simple as just expressing my feelings and letting her know what i'm truly thinking and feeling can be quite difficult sometimes for me. i've become quite a recluse over the past few years because of it. and she's stuck by me through alot of "silent" times. instead of drawing her closer into my life and spirit, i've kept a barrier (actually, quite a few) between us - mistakenly believing i was protecting myself AND her from potential sorrow or pain, as a result of my emotions or actions.
should admit i took the wrong fork in the road there.

i feel very bad about what kris has gone through with her ex. but i have to admit i mildly resented her for some of her actions. someday, i need to hug her and tell her i was completely wrong in any kind of judgement of her, and ask her forgiveness as well as offering my own. you see, her ex was/is a kind, friendly, good man in my opinion (as i like to think of myself - when i'm not being a dick). but reading her blog about the pain he caused her just knocked me fukkin flat (again, in a good way). thus, the need for me to reply on my own blog.

i owe my wife more apologies than i could ever give. my moodiness, self-isolation, lifestyle and habits have caused her much undeserved heartache and pain. i need to act on this latest inspiration..... and begin to let my marriage continue to grow. and the only way to begin is to put it all out there, in words and acts - for her, and all others to see. i'm a very lucky man to have the partner, family and friends i have. time to stop sabotaging it.

thank you kris, and i love you more than ever dashababy.

happy easter

2005-03-27T00:20:00.000-08:00

my sentiments exactly...

blog envy

2005-03-24T23:25:00.000-08:00

haven't been posting much lately. seems that after i read other's blogs.....i feel i don't have much that's worthy to say. everyone's wit, sarcasm, joy and sorrow dwarf mine in comparison. (seems like i've said this all before)

randomandodd, slowchildrenatplay, pissybritches, homedetentionlady, closetmetro, dadgonemad, and of course dashababy & fonz - to name a few.... leave me in stitches or sad.... unable to write creatively. thanx a #&%!@ lot.

i'll be gone soon enough anyways. baseball season starts in justa couple weeks. see you in november. jk

the picture is of my niece cassie. the look says it all.

the wife whisperer

2005-03-21T23:24:00.000-08:00

with apologies to cesar....

wife out of control ? having difficulty getting her to obey your commands ?
(very, very poor choice of words there, men).

have you tried and failed with the usual methods of behavior modification,
such as flowers, chocolate, or even actually "talking" ?

well, here's a few recommended methods to get desired results:

1. Let them know who's the alpha dog - (while you're cooking and cleaning)
2. Keep them active - (a 3 hour daily "walk" at the mall should do for her)
3. Make them want to obey you - (can you say... bling bling or vacation ?)
4. Keep them on schedule - (salon/spa, masseuse/chiropractor, therapist/gyn)
5. For separation anxiety, call them sooo friggin often that they stop answering.
6. To keep them from straying, move to a very small uninhabited tropical island.
7. To prevent them from chewing (yer ass), stuff 'em with filet mignon and lobster.
8. For trouble getting along with others, get them a prescription of "nobitchatol"
9. To promote submissive behavior, have lots of children - they'll be worn out.
10. Maintain eye contact - (let them think you're having loving thoughts gazing
at them, while you're really thinking about the game)

i know, not very funny....but i hafta try & keep up with shaun, that funny bastard.

how do they do it ?

2005-03-15T18:12:00.000-08:00

kristine and shaun are amazing. with all the kids (adorable as they are) and their needs (especially...."i needs to eat"), jobs, dealing with ex's & all the other lovely stresses of life - how the heck do they cope - and still manage to function rationally ?

no, they don't do heavy prescription drugs (antianxiety/antidepressants....like alot of other people in their situations do), they're not alcoholics, they're not religious fanatics (although they probably both deserve to go to heaven) and they ain't rich (except in love). what the hell is it with you guys ?! (people like you make people like me like people like you). didja get that ?

even a curmudgeon like me has to wonder what keeps it all going. i think i know the answer. BLOGGING. it's their semi-escape from reality, where shaun bursts forth with all his pent-up humor, and kris literally puts her life "on-line" for all to see. it's the most incredible free therapy out there. the best part is, the rest of us get so see just how great or funny or even fucked up their lives are - to make us all feel a little less miserable.

Mom The Fonz

2005-03-13T06:31:00.000-08:00

Mom The Fonz
Originally uploaded by augieboy.

take me out...

2005-03-09T18:36:00.000-08:00

survived the softball game, but barely - as you see above. nearly did a faceplant on that play. somehow, my cat-like reflexes (or was that just adrenaline ?) allowed me to avoid sniffing the dirt. tripped over my own feet on another play too, chasing a wicked pop-up. the fence stopped me cold on that one (sorry, no gruesome pic included). whiffed on my last at-bat. yes, WHIFFED. how do you miss a 12-inch round, 27 mph beachball-lookin' softball....just hanging there mid-air....tempting you to bash it ? so i guess i swung just a little too hard (nearly came out of my shoes), and deserved all the snickers there were.

the high-point was the 3-run homer i crushed. all right, so i didn't hit it over the fence....but i hit a good one deep to left, and before the fielder (who probably hadn't caught a ball in 10 years) could corral the ball and roll it in, i'd somehow miraculously raced around the diamond (in pants that were way too tight) without pulling a hammy !

our team is called the 51-50s, Danger To Selves (medical psyche term). how appropriate.

batter up

2005-03-06T20:49:00.000-08:00

seems our clinic has put together a softball team. we used to have one about 10 years ago, but then our manager was killed in car accident headed home after work, and that kinda took the thrill out of it. we finished out the season (2 or 3 games), but got whooped like a group of girl-scouts (actually that's an insult to them....they woulda kicked our ass too). think the final game was like 20-1. we lost every game (0-10). typically, we played lumber & equipment companies full of hairy-knuckle thugs against our team full of misfits. kinda like the bad news bears at their beginning. we had one young "ringer" who played in low,low minor league baseball with us for a few games. think he was the only one other than me to hit one over the fence for our team (unfortunately, i ONLY hit one. he hit one about every other at-bat)

anways, this should be good for some laughs - hopefully the injuries won't be too serious. i haven't played ball

since barry bonds was a skinny pittsburgh pirate, and willie mcgee was the batting champ.

hmmm, maybe i should take some steroids at work before the 1st game tomorrow night. think 8 hours is enough time for them to kick in ?

we'll be playing at this place called "big league dreams", that is supposed to be an absolutely incredible softball/baseball park. haven't seen it yet myself, but bob costas from espn even visited it, and said it was probably the best softball complex he'd ever been to. the outfield walls are decorated with backdrops of places like fenway park, etc. should beat the hell out of the small-time neglected crab-grass & mud fields we played on before. it's sure to turn our pathetic little crew of nurses, techs, docs, and otherwise sedentary roster into a bashing bunch of........oh, who am i kidding. i just pray to god i don't pull a hammy like before.

sullen saturday

2005-03-05T23:36:00.000-08:00

slept in late (as usual), did some yardwork only cuz the spring-like weather compelled me (nothing quite like pulling weeds to work out the week's pent-up stress) and generally accomplished very little else (well, the cleaning fairy did make a brief appearance). had the makings of a decent day.

but a good friends mother passed away....and i was about as fun as a poke in the eye after his call. seems today i didn't have to look for an excuse to be a wretch. my dashababy thinks i was mad at her or something, but i was just wallowing in the doledrums.

i guess there were some high-points, such as a clean puppy (thanks hun), spaghetti au fonzarelli, and watching jerry mcgwire for only the 2nd time. i'd forgotten the great lines in the movie "you had me at hello", and "you complete me". (hmmm....sounds like things kristine would say). now it's late, and i'm and off to shoot some people and blow up things (battlefield 1942 game) for a bit before bed.

if i could leave a parting expression, it would be the one dan akroyd gave in the movie trading places (with eddie murphy), where he's a filthy, drunk and despondent santa.....riding the bus......and he pulls out a salmon from inside his rancid costume, and proceeds to gnaw on it as it gets all tangled in his yukky beard. yea, that "blech" kinda sound he makes. that's the one. bout' explains it all. lol. (finally found a couple pics from the movie, below)

monday night moodswings

2005-02-28T20:37:00.000-08:00

it's strange how many different emotions one can feel in such a short time. since leaving work today, i've encountered more than my typical daily quota (which are usually just mild variants of tolerable to insufferable). they've varied from:

happy/joyful (to make it home sweet home at the end of a monday)
mad/disgusted (realize i got nuthin' left in the tank, yet again)

glad/thankful (to find out my better-half's day went ok, after expecting worse)
sad/depressed (i can't make it any better, without having to actually get off my ass)

elated/excited (i have almost 11 more hours till i have to return to work)
angry/anxious (this vicious daily grind will recur about 5 thousand more times before retirement)

hopeful/optimistic (for a future full of love, wealth, sleep and sex)
fearful/worried (that this is as good as it gets, and i won't be gettin' much more of any of them)

not to mention random, fleeting feelings of envy, greed and confusion. mixed in with large doses of caffeine and nicotine, my heart feels like it's doing doing circus acts in there.

maybe i should simply be content with my rather ba-hum-bug-ness, and just focus on not letting it get even worse. OR, i could just go snuggle my wife & puppies, and make all the bad shit go away. always works. :)

apathy

2005-02-26T16:07:00.000-08:00

here it is, finally the weekend......able to do anything (or nothing), and i don't even have the drive to decide. my mind and body are in some kind of hibernation mode and i need to snap out of it.

everything just seems blah lately (especially my demeanor). oh did i mention i've been sicker than hell lately?! i try to justify my doledrum - blaming it on this nasty bug, but that's just the frosting. i've been about as fun to hang around lately as a clump of dirt.

whilst i grump and schlep around, my hun manages to perservere through it all and still love me unconditionally (i hope). at least i've managed to continue my "kitchen fairy" appearances (mysterious late-night cleanings), and have made it to work a majority of the time. on the other hand, it's 4:30 p.m and i haven't even showered or brushed my teeth today (eww). i think i need some kind of personal motivational-trainer or something. i'd probably even bum out tony robbins lately.

sunday stress relief

2005-02-20T17:19:00.000-08:00

since i haven't attended church services since god knows when, i figured i should at least do something for the christian faction today. now, i know it isn't very christ-like to hate or hurt someone..... but then, the almighty knows just how weak in character i really am.

that being said, and having just a wee bit of animosity against certain islamic terrorists, i decided to direct a little attention towards ol' camel-breath today.

i feel much better now.

all googly eyed

2005-02-16T20:21:00.000-08:00

thot it was worth posting.

houston.....we have a problem

2005-02-09T20:25:00.000-08:00

i'm about to attempt a hard-drive upgrade here. old one is starting to spit up corrupted files, has a buncha' glitches, rattles like an old jalopy, and is probably as old as dirt.

of course, the motherboard will probably reject it like an ugly blind-date.....and the bios will probably have a few grand-mal seizures, to boot (pun intended).

i purchased the new gazillion mega-shizzle drive a couple months ago, sensing the old one was fading into senile dementia, but i've been too nervous to actually install the damn thing (meaning opening up the pc case and likely doing major damage to some hardware with the inevitable electrostatic shock or slip of the screwdriver).

i'll miss the internet.

proof

2005-02-05T01:18:00.000-08:00

.....the Raiders will win the superbowl next year, OR

you'll win the lottery & live happily ever after.

(that'd be a tough choice for some in my family)

hope for sale

2005-02-01T23:06:00.000-08:00

must go. best offer. will consider trade for despair (of equal value). contact me @ 1 (800) IRS-USUK

but it's only money.....can't buy happiness.....materialism is overrated.....all you need is love..... and a saint of a wife who deals with all the finances.

if i actually had to take care of our money, we'd be living in a van down by the river, eating government cheese (r.i.p. chris farley). AUDIO CLIP

if it's not apparent, we just paid our taxes (or part of them i'm told). didn't really bother me too much, but i think my wife took my stunned silence (at the amount) as a sign i was upset. oh, and i guess the several harsh, whiny, finger-pointing comments probably didn't help much either. all guys, repeat after me: "i can be so insensitive sometimes" (but we need that "instinct" to kill spiders & crawly-things for our woman, sometimes).

i'd better go rub her back.

the real augieboy

2005-01-30T15:28:00.000-08:00

my wife uses our adorable little puppies name for her "blog name". very fitting, as they're actually both quite alike in many ways (unconditional love, cute as heck, similar hair color, the need for attention...lol).

but it makes me rethink me calling myself "augieboy" (our other dog). he's old, smelly, itchy, barfy, poopy, snotty....and WAIT, there's more ! he likes to run away, dig holes (especially wherever we've just planted something), chew through fences, and just plain be an all-around nusiance. but somehow, dashababy loves him nonetheless....

that being said, i think i deserve the tag. go figure.

click me formy audio clip

like a deer in the headlights

2005-01-27T22:10:00.000-08:00

best describes my blank stare at the blog screen today. after reading a few other's hysterically witty posts, i feel i have nothing worthy to contribute. i'll just leave you with these (i sure miss baseball season...):

hole in the head...

2005-01-26T09:35:00.000-08:00

...is what i need, to help relieve some of the pressure from this damn head-cold/sinus-thingy i got. feel like i'm flying at 30,000 feet, and can't pop my ears. my system is reeling from all the anti-histamines i've taken (that haven't helped fer shit), my nose and lips are as raw as a baboons ass (starting to look like it too), and my eyes look like i'm plastered. for a moment this morning, i thought i felt a little better than yesterday....until i actually got out of bed, causing my eyes to shriek for mercy and darkness (watering all the way to the empty toilet-paper roll).

to top it off, i've tried calling in sick to work for the past 3 hours, but the clinic's @&#^$%! phones are down.
by the time i get through, my pink slip should be justabout ready. i'm sure it's a major disaster there - and i was probably scheduled to cover someone else who is out sick (but couldn't get through to notify them either !).

and my poor wife, who has been in a funk about her job lately, is trudging through another difficult day - along with having to visit a tax accountant to see what the damage is for '03 + '04. we're DINKs (double income no kids), so we end up paying more and more each year. this one's gonna leave a mark. God, i love her sooo much - please watch over her today, as she's more deserving of your awesome mercy than anyone.

ok, my runny eyes can't take looking at the the screen anymore. i'll finish my whining next blog.

medical update

2005-01-23T11:46:00.000-08:00

let's see......antibiotic, alka-seltzer cold "plus", multivitamin, excedrin, a shot of pepto-bismol and caffeine. just my morning "cocktail" to hopefully help me make it through the day, and even possibly enjoy the great football games on TV.

meaning.....i'll be likely be unconscious by haltime of the 1st game. at least i won't feel so cruddy if i'm asleep. i'll probably wake up as the announcers are raving about what were the best playoff games i'll never see. maybe my coughing and sneezing will keep me up long enough to at least see a few crushing hits and major disappointments (i want others to suffer right along with me), that is if my eyes would somehow stop watering.

pierced my tongue today...

2005-01-21T18:08:00.000-08:00

didn't think i'd ever do it. it was entirely accidental and unfortunately self-inflicted. i was sitting there, minding my own business, eating a breakfast bar.... when one of my canine teeth decided it wanted to bore through some flesh to to finish a bite. i'm pretty sure my silent yelp caused a few dogs eardrums to rupture.

so now i have this deep, open flap right where my tastbuds used to be. i even had to take some surgical scissors & trim the edge of it off so i didn't look like a reptile. now i feel it with every breath/sip/bite/drag/etc.... all the while everyone is telling me to put some salt on it. that's just cruel and sadistic.

and this is on the heels of me trying to shave my bottom lip off with a razor a couple days ago, but that's small time compared to this. no french-kisses or talking without a speech impediment for awhile i guess. but being the masochist i am, here i sit sipping coffee and smoking through the pain. i'm sure dinner will be something really salty to boot. nice start to the weekend.

weekend in sight...

2005-01-20T17:41:00.000-08:00

hal lay loo yuh ! don't think i could make it 2 more days at work this week. geez, i remember just a few years back when i was working a couple extra evenings and even saturdays each week, and truly loved my job. now i barely make it through 40 hours, if that.....and have a little nervous tic with my eye when i talk about it. it's kinda like your first girlfriend, when you still care (but she's just using you), and realize it's best to move on ('cuz she's sleeping with your friends), but you don't have the heart to do it (she'll never let you go peacefully), and end up stuck forfrigginever (or so it seemed).

it figures that work is a 4-letter word. just like love/need/want OR hate/quit/kill.....and here i am still talking about it, when i always say my time on the computer is a way to escape thinking about it all. i should try harder at chilling out before i get home, but i only live a few minutes away. maybe i'll drive slower, and cut off some cars from their desired exits. that oughta' help.

my wife bought some new sheets. clean sheets are great, but new ones, oh boy (if i had a tail, it'd be wagging). too bad they'll probably be covered in dog hair before we get to use them.

post #3

2005-01-19T21:55:00.000-08:00

migraine today. only made it 'till 10:30 @ work. took waaay too much medicine (imitrex,tylenol,relpax). caffeine didn't help fer' shit. passed on the dr's offer of a large needle in the ass (i work at a medical clinic). was shaking like a chihauha (no idea on the spelling there). buried my head under a pillow until the pounding eased off. it's amazing how much a nice long nap (when you should be working) can help. not to mention the snuggly little puppy.

now that the vice grip behind the eyeballz has subsided, i figured i'd try and blog again. kinda suprised i came back yet again. i usually quit most things after a day or two (except all my lovley vices).

my wife seems to enjoy this blogging thingy, so it must be the right thing to do. she probably gets more communication from me this way anyhow. i seem to either talk too much, or act like i've had my tongue cut out. no happy medium here.

OK....i just accidentally erased my post trying to put a picture in it. forgot most of what i wrote. feel the headache coming back. arrrgh. and just now noticed that neat little thing called "save as draft". what an idiot. at least i know many have sufferred this too. that kinda makes me feel better, lol.

post #2

2005-01-18T17:48:00.000-08:00

not quite sure why i'm continuing here. pretty much summed up my life with the first post...jk
therapists charge a fortune for letting you "get it out", where here it's for free......except it's for ANYONE to see. that being considered, i'll hafta try and be witty with the posts.....and lie alot.

some may wonder why i don't capitalize correctly. it's probably just some subconscious statement about what a small insignificant speck of atoms i feel like sometimes. self"esteem" is for self"ish" people..... i say..... to hell with them. lol ? or maybe it's just that i'm bitter and spiteful about arrogance and pride (success even ?). and me being a poor excuse of a christian doesn't help much dealing with it all. but boy-oh-boy, my PC video game BATTLEFIELD 1942 sure does ! (right after i get my caffeine and nicotine fixes)

it's basically one of those games where you get to shoot the shit outta people and blow up things. gawd, what a stress-reliever. machine guns, tanks, bombs, planes.....so many weapons.....so little time. i even shoot the guys on MY team for the heck of it sometimes. he he. time to go play !

1st blog

2005-01-17T19:10:00.000-08:00

usual routine here. get home from work, give the dogs a treat (unconditional love = cheese snax), barely say hi to my incredible wife, get my cigs and coffee..and hibernate to the computer room for most of the night, again.

i try and justify it as a way to "escape the pressures of life and work". when in reality.....i just have a difficult time facing the REAL world. sometimes even my very little realm of it.

or maybe it's as simple as the fact i'm heavily addicted to coffee (starbuck's breakfast blend), clove cigarettes (sampoerna classics from malaysia, probable hand-rolled by crippled orphans wallowing in mud & poverty) which have as much nicotine as tearing the filter of a marlboro red, and more tar than a good roach, and lastly.....the fact i like sitting on my lazy ass in front of the pc, accomplishing nothing significant.

ok, well - it's a start anyways. so this is "blogging", huh ? more like a therapy session with yourself.